Crying is a very misunderstood subject. Most people do not like to hear a baby cry and will find some way to quieten the baby down, usually one of the above methods. One must realise that just as you have feelings which need to be expressed, so does a baby. A baby who cries is trying to communicate with you. Of course there are physical needs which need to be met, and so a baby might cry when she is hungry, have a dirty nappy, be too hot or cold or need to change position, but she might also be unhappy about something else and need to release stress in order to relax. Just as you would tell a friend about your bad day at work, a baby would want to express her stresses of the day. As I wrote in a previous article, The Mind of a Newborn Baby, babies have feelings. One may think that they come into this world and live a stress-free existence until they grow up and have to earn a living, but in actual fact, being a baby is an extremely stressful and vulnerable time of life. I have heard comments such as "oh, how wonderful it must be to be three months old, just eat and sleep", but being a baby brings tons of stresses of their own, you just can't remember them.

When my daughter, Tamara, was about two months old, I decided to take her for a walk in her pram to the shops, which is about 10 minutes walk away. This was her first time in the pram, away from mom, as I normally carry her around in her infant carrier. As we headed on our way, I was astounded by how much stimulation there was around us. The road was uneven and bumpy, there were cars travelling past (very loudly), dogs barking, different smells, car radios blaring and this is just a few to mention. Halfway to the shops, she began to cry a little. I stopped and spoke to her (although I had been telling her what was happening along the way), and she stopped so I continued on my way. We reached the shops and I visited two stores, the whole trip taking about an hour. She eventually fell asleep in one of the shops and managed to doze on the way home. That evening she would not settle so I sat with her and she very clearly told me about her day, crying her little heart out, with a mixture of emotions. I thought that this was over, but the following morning she was still distressed and so we sat together and she poured her heart out again. As soon as she had expressed herself fully (cried it out), she eventually settled down and drifted off to sleep. She awoke relaxed and rested, happy to look at her red motor car mobile.

I have found that when a baby is supported and held whilst being able to fully express themselves, they are far more relaxed, alert and happier all round. However, before we look at the benefits of babies crying to release stress, let's look at what a baby can stress about.

Firstly, there can be pre and perinatal trauma. Studies have shown that babies cry more when moms have been stressed during pregnancy. Birth itself is very traumatic for both baby and mom, and it can evoke many different emotions. I know for myself that there were times during my labour when I felt despair, and many other overwhelming feelings. My daughter would have felt this, on top of her own emotions.

Unfilled needs can create a lot of stress for a baby. Amongst the physical needs of hunger, nappy changes and so forth, there can also be the need for touch and being held. The first nine months after birth are considered a critical period for the need for physical contact.1 So many people believe that they will spoil their baby if they hold them all the time so start to put them down and leave them alone at an early age. The world is a new place and they need support not only when learning new experiences. Babies are never left alone for the nine months of being in the womb and then all of a sudden are expected to be independent. Just like you need to be held and touched, so do babies.

Overstimulation can create a lot of stress too. Nowadays parents are driven to stimulate their babies in fear that they will not progress and be the best in what they do, but information overload can tax the nervous system, which is still maturing. Babies / infants, up until around the age of one, can only assimilate so much at one time. From being born in a safe, warm and relatively quiet place in the womb, to being bombarded with bright lights, loud noises, different smells, tons of emotions from different people and then so much more after being born can create a bunch of stressful emotions. People are often not aware that babies feel more than the average adult and if we stress as adults, then why wouldn't a baby?

Babies sometimes become frustrated and cry angrily. When a baby wants to reach out to grab a toy, but can't make her hand work the way she wants it, this can be very frustrating. You may find that before your baby or child learns a new skill, they will become more stressed and cry more than usual. You could call this developmental stress.

Another possible reason why your baby would need to cry is when they are frightened. I know that whenever I would move Tamara too quickly when she was smaller or if there was a loud bang, she would burst into tears. Let's face it, when something is new, it is a bit scary, even for us as adults, so just imagine what a baby experiences when they have never heard a new sound or experienced a new situation before. Once babies have formed attachments, by six or eight months, separations from primary caretakers can also be frightening. Researchers have found that nine-month-old infants who were separated from their mothers for half an hour had increased saliva cortisol levels, indicating that they were stressed by the separation. However, when the infants were with a substitute caregiver who was warm, responsive, and interactive, their cortisol levels did not increase. 2

Babies are incredibly sensitive to the emotions of those around them. I am very in tune with Tamara and when someone in her surroundings is anxious, angry, or stressed, she picks it up instantly and starts to cry. As soon as she feels it, I feel it too. Furthermore, when I am anxious, then Tamara is definitely going to become anxious and cry more.

Another obvious reason why babies would cry is because they are in pain. Crying is often linked with colic, but research has shown that gas pains are not the main reason for crying. In actual fact, a baby takes in more air whilst crying than at any other time. However, unreleased stress can lead to sluggish digestion and distress due to the effect of the stress response on the nervous system.3 Craniosacral therapy works very well with babies who suffer with digestive difficulties as we work on the nervous system and facilitate the release of stress and thereby any so-called colic symptoms.4

So what are the benefits of crying? Before I go into this, I want to share with you what happened with me when Tamara was born. As she had a difficult birth and was born after lying in the posterior position, her neck and back became unaligned which set up colic symptoms, pain and discomfort. She would cry and as I couldn't bear the thought of her being in pain, I thought I would rock, walk and jiggle her to quieten her down, and pop my finger in her mouth for her to suck. She desperately needed to express how she was feeling, but I couldn't listen at that stage. I found myself becoming very anxious and stressed out, though, because she seemed to cry all day. Just as I would stop jiggling her, it wouldn't be long before she was crying and fussing again and this went on all day, into the night. This was very draining and I realised that this way of supporting her also didn't feel right for me. Seeing I work with babies and encourage them to release their stress in a loving and supportive environment, I decided to let her tell me exactly how she was feeling. What a transformation! Instead of crying all day, she would cry (sometimes very intensely) for half an hour or more once or twice a day and be relaxed for the rest of the day. (This decreases once babies have released their stress). Everyone commented on what an alert and calm baby I have.

When your child is allowed to cry in a loving and supportive space, she is healthier emotionally, and therefore healthier physically; the relationship between parent and child is healthier and they form stronger attachments. When a baby is allowed to express in a safe environment, she will continue to speak about her problems as she grows older. Accepting crying increases a child's self-esteem. If children are shown love and approval only when they are happy and smiling, in other words when they are "good", then they will learn to deny and suppress the other parts of themselves in order to feel accepted and to please adults. Children who cry as they need are better learners. When a child has something worrying her, these emotions will constantly occupy her attention. However, when a child feels safe to release this stress, she will be able to concentrate better and access her full potential. Infants / children who cry enough become easier to live with. A child who was moody, clingy, obnoxious, or aggressive becomes relaxed, receptive, cooperative, undemanding, happy and self-sufficient when able to cry. Your child will also sleep better, and again, I can vouch for this. When Tamara was being jiggled and not allowed to cry as she needed, she would go days without sleep, which would then make it worse because she was not only crying because she was stressed, but also because she was over-tired. She now sleeps like a baby, during the day and right through the night, with one waking just to eat.

There was a study which was completed by a biochemist called William Frey. He asked a group of people to watch a sad movie and gathered the tears of those affected. He then asked some people to cut onions and gathered their tears. He analysed the tears and found that the tears from the sad movie contained the stress hormones, whilst the tears from the cut onions showed nothing. This shows that to cry when feeling stressed, sad or fearful is healthy and releases these stress hormones from the body. By crying, one reduces the effects of stress through the physical release of the stress hormones, thereby balancing the body's chemical balance.5 I know that whenever I have had a good cry, not only do I feel lighter, but the stress I was crying about is gone. In fact, my mind is clearer too.

The one thing which I cannot express enough is that babies should never be left alone to cry.6 When a crying child is ignored, even for five minutes, this can leave her feeling abandoned, terrified, confused and powerless. Furthermore, she can fail to develop a sense of basic trust, which is essential for healthy emotional growth.7 So what could you do when your baby starts to cry, and all physical needs have been met? Sit with your baby in a comfortable space. Hold your child close to you without jiggling, rocking or patting. If her eyes are open, then make eye contact. Take a couple of deep breaths in to relax yourself. Feel the love you have for your child. Talk to your baby. Tell her that you are listening and that you love her. Tell her that she is safe and that it is okay to cry. Verbalise that you are trying to help her feel better. Be aware of your own emotions and should you also feel the need to cry, do so. Tell your baby how you are feeling. Gently touch your baby's face or kiss her on the cheek. This will remind her that you are still there. Continue to create a loving and secure space for her, verbally encouraging her as she talks to you. Stay with your baby until she stops crying on her own. Your baby will then resume her activities in a more relaxed manner or fall asleep to awaken alert and relaxed.  

Your baby is a little adult. Speak to her all the time. Tell her what you are doing, where you are going, how you are feeling (even though she can pick this up) and explain why you are feeling this. It makes a huge difference because babies understand and this world can be a scary place. And last but definitely not least, enjoy your little ones. The time passes faster than I ever imagined.

*For the purpose of this article I will be referring to the baby in the female form.

References

1.    Solter, A. (1998) Tears and Tantrums: What to do when babies and children cry. Goleta, CA: Shining Star Press (pg 49)
2.    Solter, A. (1998) Tears and Tantrums: What to do when babies and children cry. Goleta, CA: Shining Star Press (pg 53)
3.    Solter, A. (1984) The Aware Baby. Goleta, CA: Shining Star Press (pg 38)
4.    Visit www.samshealthspot.co.za or www.cranial.za.org for more information on Craniosacral Therapy  
5.    Solter, A. (1984) The Aware Baby. Goleta, CA: Shining Star Press (pg 39)
6.    http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/handout2.asp
7.    Solter, A. (1998) Tears and Tantrums: What to do when babies and children cry. Goleta, CA: Shining Star Press (pg 55)