Sometimes our children feel anxious, fearful and insecure. It could be for an event that is taking place, like going to the dentist, starting a new school, going through a divorce or being left with the babysitter for the night. It is normal for all of us, even us adults, to feel afraid at times, but there is a productive and very effective way of alleviating the stress and helping your child to integrate the new or stressful experience they need to go through. Using this technique is also beneficial in helping children to regain a state of routine after some change has taken place.

I call this technique “special doll play.” You will need some props, like dolls, teddies, blocks or you could even use pens. Special doll play involves real life characters so you need to choose who will be a Mom prop, a Dad prop, grandmother prop, babysitter prop, etc and of course your child will be one the props. Then you need to set the scene. Find a comfortable place to do this exercise. Just before bed is great as there are no interruptions. You can ask your child to help you choose the dolls or teddies by saying, “I’ve got a special story to tell you tonight. It’s about a little boy called Danny (your child’s name). Danny is going to have a special visitor called Cara (the babysitter) and she is going to stay for the night. To tell the story we need a Danny doll, a Cara doll, a Mom doll and a Dad doll. Can you help me choose these dolls?” It is important to remember who represents who and the dolls or props need to stay the same for future play. You can add or take away props for different experiences.

It is best to do this type of play a day or two before a challenging experience. There is a specific purpose to this exercise which could be, for instance, making Danny more comfortable in being left with the babysitter. The story also has a clear message, which would be that Mom and Dad will be coming home after their night out.

Focus your story on the one theme and don’t go on longer than five minutes. You might feel uncomfortable at first in putting together the story, so you could write it down first. It is important not to include any feelings or emotions in this exercise and to keep it to the basic facts of the experience. Know you are the author of the story so you can make it turn out the way it will be in real life and whatever you say in the story needs to be carried through in real life. For example, if you say that you will come and kiss your child good night in the story, then you need to do the same in real life. Use sounds to enhance the story and to help your child remember.

Let me give you an example. Say you were going out for the night and needed to leave your child with a new babysitter. You would choose one prop per person involved in the experience. Then you act out in a story telling how the night will unfold. It is advisable not to open up special doll play in saying that Danny is going to be babysat. Instead, you can say “Danny is playing with his toys and they hear the doorbell ring. Mom goes to open the door. Cara is standing there. They say hello and Mom invites Cara in. Cara says hello to Danny and Danny says hello back. Mom and Dad give Danny a kiss good bye (do kissing noise) and Cara stays with Danny. Cara reads Danny a story and then Danny brushes his teeth. Cara says good night to Danny, tucks him into the bed (make sure she does do this if you include it) and Danny goes to sleep. Cara sits in the lounge whilst Danny is asleep. When Mom and Dad come back they give Danny a kiss. In the morning, Danny tells mom all about his night with Cara.”

Remember that you want to keep it factual and always use the people’s names. Also use your child’s name in the story, instead of saying you. If your child interrupts you whilst you are telling the story, attend to his or her needs and continue the story or tell your child you will attend to his/her needs after the story is finished.

It is amazing how much this helps a child. I have used this technique with my daughter on various occasions and it really works. Let me know how it goes.